Giant Statue of Jerry Jones on Fifty Yard Line May Cause Unforeseen Problems

by Daniel Strauss

DALLAS -- The Dallas Cowboys new multimillion dollar facility may have come into even more unforeseen trouble.

This time, issues have arisen in the form of a hundred foot tall, solid silver statue of Jerry Jones situated on the fifty yard line. During the Cowboys last preseason game against the Tennessee Titans, players on both sides referred to the statue as "hard to avoid," "really shiny," and "seemingly completely unnecessary."

"I definitely had to rethink some of my passes on the fly when we were down by the fifty [yard line]," Dallas quarterback Tony Romo said. "Come to think of it, I wonder if that had something to do with the 25 sacks I took during the game. It seemed like I got hit more than usual."

"I was making this cut right around midfield, and I thought I was gonna have all this open green in front of me, but no, right there is big 'hundred-foot tall Jerry's' leg staring back at me," said Tennessee running back Chris Johnson. It's one hell of a home team advantage."

This isn't the first time the new stadium has run into some trouble for it's design. Earlier in the game, Tennessee kicker Rob Bironas had a punt bounce off the brand new, low hanging, HD screen, resulting in a rare football do-over.

"I honestly don't think I'd have hit it [the screen] if I could have taken my eyes off that giant-ass statue of Jerry," Bironas said. "Talk about distracting."

Jones himself had little to say on the matter, telling reporters Friday that the statue wasn't going anywhere. Asked if he felt the statue in any way compromised the integrity of the game, Jones replied, "I am the game, bitch."

"I think it's a trade-off," non partisan announcer Troy Aikman commented. "We lose T.O., but we get this wonderful statue. It should stay."

Fans can next see the Cowboys live on Saturday, August 29 (vs San Francisco), which, coincidentally, is Jerry Jones night at new Dallas Stadium (every child will be given a Jerry Jones mask and a fresh fifty dollar bill to rip up and thrown in the air during the game).