AP (Augusta)-Embattled golfer Tiger Woods failed to win the 2010 Masters Tournament on Sunday, sending a crushing blow to adulterers all across the country, and, for that matter, the world. "I am truly sorry to the global community of adulterers who I have let down with this loss," a sober Woods told the press after he was officially eliminated from the tournament. "I wanted to show people that you can cheat on your wife, literally hundreds of times, with porn stars and cocktail waitresses, really, whoever is around, and still be a hero and a champion. But I failed." Things seem to just keep getting worse for the former king of the golf world, as Woods now stands to lose millions in pro-adultery sponsorships. This year's Masters champion, long time pro Phil Mickelson, has never cheated on his wife or sent a filthy text message to a porn star, a fact that certainly doesn't shine the most positive light on the pro-adultery community. Needless to say, this is a loss that will be felt for a very long time by politicians and pretty much every NFL player ever for a long, long time.by Daniel Strauss
