Mark Teixeira's Entire August Salary Paid in Sacagawea Coins

Star athlete completely unsure of what to do next

By Jeremy Strauss and Colleen McDermott

NEW YORK, NY -- Yankees first baseman Mark Teixeira may be a very rich man, but right now, he feels poorer than ever.

The Bronx Bombers star -- who is being paid $180 million over eight years with New York -- noticed a small issue with his share for the month of August: it was entirely composed of Sacagawea coins.

"Usually they just send me a check or something," said an understandably disgruntled Teixeira. "I don't even know what to do with this stuff. They're going to weigh down my wallet so much."

Yankees GM Brian Cashman claims he was trying to give Teixeira a "special surprise": i.e. a huge wad of cash instead of a check. According to the GM, a special note that read, "who's the real cash-man now?" was meant to be enclosed with the gift.

But when Cashman reached the bank, he faced trouble: there were no dollar bills available. Indeed, there were only Sacagawea dollars.

"I guess this is the sort of price we pay in this horrible economic crisis," said Cashman.

Above: The horrific scene on Teixeira's kitchen table
A sad Teixeira was hardly amused.

"I didn't even think they were still making these things," he said. "I was under the impression they faded out when people realized how inconvenient they were. Now, I have millions of them lying around."

A number of Yankee players were quick to offer their public support to the first baseman.

"I gotta say, I feel for the guy," said Derek Jeter. "Nobody wants to end up with even one of those [Sacagawea coins]. But to have so many, it's unfathomable."

"This is worse than the time Bernie Williams slipped on a banana peel," added longtime Yank Jorge Posada. "I give Mark all my support and hope he can spend those coins on something real fast, so someone else will be burdened with them."

Teixeira reportedly considered donating the coins to charity, but realized he "did not want anyone to go through what he is going through." Other options on what to do with the fortune, paid to Teixeira for standing on a bag and catching a ball every now and then, include simply burning the coins, throwing them at A-Rod in the clubhouse before games, or using them for batting practice.