BREAKING NEWS: Baltimore Orioles Cancel Remainder of this Season, Next Two Seasons

After sign seen on team clubhouse door, announcement comes as little surprise; "We are so bad," says team's majority owner

By Jeremy Strauss

BALTIMORE, MD -- The last place Baltimore Orioles have cancelled the remainder of the 2009 season and the 2010 and 2011 seasons.

On Thursday morning, an anonymous Baltimore Sun beat writer encountered a sign on the Orioles clubhouse telling players to "go home and lay low for a while." Snide Sports can now confirm that the sign was written by the team's majority owner, Peter Angelos.


Angelos, seen here alongside steroid-user Sam Sosa, has made a drastic decision

Angelos has been blamed by many for the team's woes over the last ten years. Now, he's taking responsibility in the most peculiar of ways.

"I think we need a break from this nightmare," he told reporters on a conference call Thursday. "Seriously, like, it's enough of this crap already.

"We are so bad."

"I think everyone agrees this is the right thing to do," said Andy MacPhail, Orioles president of baseball operations. "We just need some time to relax, set things straight, so we can come back in 2012 and win some games. We owe this to our fans."

But while the decision might make perfect sense to the team's front office, the players are, to say the least, dumbfounded. Under the terms of the decision, Orioles must players must stay with the team until the beginning of the 2012 season, even if their contracts expire during the ensuing time period.

It is almost as if Baltimore players are frozen in time -- as athletes, that is -- for almost the next two and a half years.


Players like Brian Roberts don't quite understand how this could happen

"Yes, it kind of surprises me, this whole thing," said second baseman Brian Roberts. "To be honest with you, I appreciate the time off. But I don't really understand how this is legal."

"I gave plenty of service to this shitty excuse for a franchise," said a fuming outfielder Melvin Mora as he threw a chair. "If they don't give me a house on Cape Cod for the duration of this cancellation crap, there's going to be hell to pay."

But the front office has an answer for the players, some of whom -- like Roberts -- doubt the legality/morality of the arrangement. Under an MLB rule approved in 1917, franchises may cancel up to three seasons in a row and freeze players' contracts in the process if "good reason" exists. In this case, does "good reason" exist? That much is up to league Commissioner Bud Selig, who has already offered his commentary on the situation.

"I'll have my deliberation with my staff, but I think there's a good chance I'll approve it," said Selig on a conference call. "I mean, they don't even have the Rays to rely on at being in last place anymore."

Top baseball analysts too agree with Selig.

"A couple of years ago, the Orioles lost 30-3 in a game against the Rangers," said ESPN's Buster Olney. "Personally, I think they should've pulled out this tool then. This cancellation is even a bit late."

Under the rule, although Angelos plans to fight it "to the best of [his] ability," refunds to all ticket holders cannot be avoided.

What doesn't comply with the MLB rule, however, is Angelos' mandate -- with no exception -- that the players have their lockers cleared out by Friday morning for a full clubhouse fumigation.