A Bunch of USC Players Break NCAA Rules, Blah Blah Blah

Stop me if you've heard this one, but a bunch of players from the USC football team broke some dumb NCAA rules that say they can't accept money or cars, or stuff like that, so now they can't play in the Emerald Bowl (a game no one cares about anyway). "I don't really know what the problem is," said USC running back Joe McKnight, who was seen driving around in his girlfriend's car, or something totally inconsequential like that. "I mean, I'm a football player at a powerhouse college program. Does anybody honestly think this stuff doesn't go on all across the country? What did I even do?" According to the NCAA, who are always really on top of this mega-important stuff, McKnight and three other USC players did something that pretty much every other famous collegiate athlete ever has done, which makes them ineligible for postseason play (which, coincidentally, also doesn't matter at all). Coach Pete Carroll took a much more optimistic viewpoint of the situation, telling reporters "It's nice to be on ESPN for something other than getting blown out by a far inferior opponent."