FOXBORO-A strangely nonchalant Bill Belichick addressed reporters Tuesday morning, claiming that the reason for the New England Patriots' recent struggles this year was due to "countless deals" he himself has made with the Devil."I'm not going to go back and detail each bargain or deal that I made with Satan, to do that would take far too long, and, to be honest, I don't think I could really remember each individual one." Belichick said, showing little emotion. "But that's the reason we're having so much trouble this season. That I can tell you."
The Patriots (7-4), while currently in first place the AFC East, have noticibly lost their swagger this year. A questionable call by Coach Belichick to go for it on fourth and two resulted in a loss at rival Indianapolis, and a 38-17 loss to the New Orleans Saints have left New England humbled.
"The whole fourth and two thing, I'm not gonna go into details, but I'm pretty sure I know what that was about," Belichick said. "Let's just say I've been a bit behind on delivering my first born to his black-heartedness, Beelzebub. I'm not going to go into it any more than that."
The Prince of Darkness himself could not be reached for comment, though a member of his staff who chose to remain anonymous was reached for comment. "Billy's running a bit low on collateral," he said. "At this point, I don't see how he can possibly make good on our deals and all the ones he made with Voldemort."
--by Daniel Strauss
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