Groundbreaking report reveals that now only 5% of show spent covering sports
By Jeremy Strauss
Editor-in-chief
BRISTOL, CT -- A new analysis released this week by the Sports Media Commission (SMC) notes that over the past year, approximately 95 percent of the ESPN hit highlight reel show SportsCenter has been spent on inside jokes between anchors, leaving just five percent for actual sports.
"Josh Elliot's coffee-getting habits during the break are not funny or relevant to viewers," said Eric Wrangle, Executive Director of SMC. "Apparently, the anchors think otherwise."
The report notes that today's SportsCenter anchors make so many "countless references" to events that occurred off camera that the show itself has become a complete joke. SportsCenter, according to SMC, has essentially evolved into an exclusive party to which America's viewers are not invited.
"Ever wonder why Hannah Storm can't stop laughing while reading the teleprompter for a Spurs-Lakers highlight?" said Jose Rodriguez-Pena, Executive Director of SMC Latin America. "Me too. I think everyone's wondering that these days. It's really annoying."
SportsCenter anchors responded to the allegations of insidejokedness rather unseriously.
SportsCenter, the world's funniest television program
"Jokes?" said Josh Elliot between uncontrollable spurts of laughter. "I don't make jokes on the air. Except for that time Sage Steele called me a jerk just before we came back from commercial. Couldn't hold back the tears on air!"
Wrangle says if the jokes continue, the anchors' job securities -- which seem so secure these days -- could be in doubt.
"I don't think anyone wants to watch SportsCenter these days," he said. "It's their only option for sports highlights. But it might be time for a changing of the guard from these little jesters."
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