Tiger Woods to Take Indefinite Leave from Cheating on his Wife

Star golfer says "it might be time for a break"

By Jeremy Strauss
Editor-in-Chief

ANYWHERE, USA -- It seems golfer Tiger Woods' little black book -- which has grown into a rather large black book -- may be put away to collect dust for a little while.

On Thursday, America's most beloved athlete stated publicly that he'll be taking an indefinite leave of absence from cheating on his wife -- a pasttime that originally put Woods on the map.

"Many of you forget that I have a family," said Woods. "Being in the public eye, you constantly want me to cheat on my wife and avoid my kids. But I think it might be time for a break."

Undoubtedly for Woods, filling the void created by not being able to cheat on his wife will be difficult. However, the inspirational hero to many claims that he has overcome odds in the past and is certain he can do it again.

"I know I can avoid cheating on her for these next few minutes," he said. "There, was that so hard?"


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In order to effectively execute this leave of absence, Woods will need to fully isolate himself from his wife and children for several weeks or even months. According to multiple reports, Woods has already contacted Gilette advertisement friend and footballer Thiery Henry for a place to lay low for a while.

"I told him I wanted to take a leave from handballing," joked Henry. "No, but seriously, I fully support Tiger's efforts to not cheat on his wife, at least until she divorces him."

When asked what he hopes to gain from this experimental leave, Woods unexpectedly left the press conference.